• Marty: "What kind of ribs are these?"
  • Me: "Pork."
  • Marty: "Have we ever had dolphin ribs?"
Dad has there ever been a gamer Prime Minister?
— Marty, my 10 year old

Japanese TV

  • Marty: “I need a Halls.”
  • Me: “Why?”
  • Marty: “I had to translate the subtitles on a Japanese show for my brothers."
  • Me: "Why do you need a Halls?"
  • Marty: "My throat's sore."
Whoa, dad I think I just hit puberty.
— Marty, my 10 year old son
Hungry Hippos is a game about torturing hippos while having fun at the same time.
— Marty, my 10 year old
When I was in Grade 2 my biggest fear was wolves that could stand on two feet.
— Marty, my 9 year old
Dad the guy who wears the Barney suit went to jail for hiding drugs in his tail.
— Marty, my 9 year old
If you kiss for 3 hours you make a baby.
— Marty, my 9 year old
Here’s my advice: drop out of school, get a job, and get a life.
— Marty, my 9 year old
The worst part about being a Siamese twin is they’d know if you had a crush on someone.
— Marty, my 9 year old